Be a Light in this Dark World
- Lori Joy
- Nov 19, 2024
- 10 min read
Updated: Feb 10
A Story of Gratitude for those who shone the Love and Light of Jesus into my Life
By Lori Joy
(The following is a re-write of a blog Lori wrote November 13, 2023)
It was about Twenty Years ago that my light was snuffed out from abuse. I was so broken that my husband had treated me so cruelly and did not love me. He left me destitute, and to raise our infant child alone, never providing in any way for the care of our child. All the while I struggled with severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the marital abuse which made maintaining employment difficult, and by necessity I needed to spend a lot of time in counselling to learn how to cope and survive in the aftermath. The time needed in counselling, as well as my PTSD interfered with my ability to work as well as my ability to properly care for my infant child.
My world at that time was so dark. The enemy had worked so hard to defeat me. At that time I could not see any hope for the future. I felt like I had made such a mess of my life and that there was no way out of it. I even felt that I was incapable of being a good mother to my child and I contemplated that maybe she would be better off if I gave her up for adoption. I had nearly died in childbirth a few months earlier and I wondered why God had let me live. I didn't feel at the time that my life had any worth. I felt like God had abandoned me. It was difficult to see any light at the end of the dark tunnel of my life. I was trapped in a state of deep depression.
But in spite of my discouragement, sorrow, and doubt... I knew my only hope was Jesus. The chorus of a song that I learned in church as a child just kept repeating in my mind, and it motivated me to return to consistent church attendance. I'd sung those words so many times before, but now they had intensely deep personal meaning. "Something beautiful, Something good. All my confusion... He understood. All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife, but He (God) made something beautiful out of my life." (Lyrics by Bill Gaither).
Oh how I wanted so desperately for God to make something beautiful of my tattered and messed up life!
I had for years (from my mid 20's to mid 30's) neglected going to church, putting my Coaching career in the sport of Figure Skating first in my life. I still considered myself a Christian, I believed in Jesus, He was my savior, I lived a clean life, didn't drink or smoke and I watched some church programming on TV. But, going to church where I'd have fellowship and support, as well as deeply studying God's word to strengthen me was put on the back burner... and it indeed set me up for disaster.
Now, in the aftermath of that abusive marriage, I suddenly found my life and career in ashes, and I felt abandoned by God. The rug that was my life had been pulled out from under me and there I was flat on my backside and it hurt so bad. I now was a single mom who had to move back to her mother's home after leaving a woman's shelter because I had nowhere else to go.
Three month's earlier I had nearly died from a rare complication in delivering my child, and the surgeries needed to fix the damage and keep me from bleeding to death injured my hips such that I could no longer be on the ice coaching skaters, so my 16 year coaching career abruptly came to an end. So with no home, no livelihood, feeling so unloved, and after living independently for some years having to return to my mother's doorstep for lodging my pride was crushed. As well, I was dealing with post-partum depression and Post traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which would not be diagnosed until a year and a half later. It all made me feel like I was a failure and utterly incompetent. From a mental wellness point of view, I was barely hanging on by a thread.
But with the chorus of that Gaither song repeating in my head endlessly I knew that my only hope out of my messed up life was to seek God and return to going to church regularly where I could grow and be strengthened in the Lord. I knew that only God could make something beautiful out of the ashes of my messed up life, if I let him.
Somehow, even though I was so severely depressed... There was still a candle in my soul, but the light of my "candle" was snuffed out. In other words I still believed in God, but I felt so unworthy and as if God had abandoned me. Yet, in spite of this I was desperately still clinging to my "candle" when I entered a nearby Evangelical Free Church about 21 years ago. The Pastor there had been our marriage counsellor a a few months before the marriage ended. After the church service the Pastor introduced me to Charlotte and Betty and a few others who greeted me and made me feel at home.
After I shared with the ladies my story of hurt and shame, and the torment I experienced from my abuser... I expected to be chastised for leaving my abuser, for he was my husband after all... and I had made a vow "for better or for worse." But to my great surprise and relief Charlotte and Betty shared their own stories which were much the same as my own, and then brought other women to me who also had stories of their own survival after abuse... and of how God brought hope and love into all their lives, and made that hurt a thing of the past that no longer tormented them. They wanted me to know that while it hurts now, there is hope. "It will get better in time," they said. It was the encouragement I very much needed at that time.
Several months later the church was considering merging with another Evangelical Free Church, so we all attended services at that other church for several weeks while amalgamation talks loomed. I found even greater comradery there. And as that church was one level, with no stairs to worry about being my daughter was now a toddler... I decided to continue attending there even after the amalgamation talks fell through. Charlotte, who had by now become a close friend, also chose Central Evangelical Free Church as her home church, and as she was already like family to me, it made that transition even easier. There I met Sharon Martin, who was the Pastor's wife. She had the most beautiful loving motherly soul and gave the best big mother bear hugs I had ever experienced. Her care and counsel also helped to foster even greater healing in that time.
In the midst of what had been the darkest time in my life, God used Charlotte, Betty, Sharon, and others to give me hope, encouragement, and reignite my faith. Because they shone the light of God's love, it helped me to find my way through to the other side of the pain where forgiveness and love reigns. Those women befriended me, rallied behind me, prayed for me, encouraged me... they were like Angels sent from God in that time to help me through.
It was indeed a long journey to overcome and heal from all those past hurts and heartaches, but I am so thankful that God brought these wonderful ladies into my life at that most crucial time when I was so discouraged and feeling worthless. They were a life jacket that I greatly needed in that time to keep me from drowning in the mire of my depressed state of mind.
I am also so grateful to the professional counsellors whom I sought advice and counsel from over the years. Their expertise in dealing with Complex PTSD issues helped me immensely and brought stability again to my mind and thinking.
To everyone who touched my life in those early years of healing from the marital abuse and encouraged my giving my life back to God... and to everyone else who helped and gave sound counsel over the years and up until today... I Thank and Praise God for you all! Thank you all for letting your light shine so that my own candle could be reignited and burn brightly for others to see, so that they also may find their way out of darkness. Thank you all for the encouragement that you all gave to me in my time of need and for reminding me that "this too shall pass"... that the hurt would not be forever, and a healed heart would in time come. And thank you for letting God use you to help reignite my candle so that in time I could do the same for others.
Since that time, God has brought much healing, turning my hurt and pain around for good, and I've been able to help and give wise counsel to others over the years who were in, or who had escaped abusive marriages/relationships and were in need of that same non-judgmental love and friendship that I had needed all those years ago.
As well in time, God also brought a good and Godly man into my life... Jamie Remus, who has been a joy to walk alongside in this life, serving God together both in and outside of the church. I am so very grateful to God for him and for the husbandly love and support he so willingly gives.
After moving to BC, I became acquainted with Michele Smith, a Trauma counsellor who attended our church and ran some seminars which I had attended. I felt I could benefit from some more counseling, and the type of therapy Michelle offered was exactly what I needed. Through her patient, loving, and incredibly wise guidance my healing has gone even further than it had before, and my coping skills have strengthened even more to where I am now able to cope with and handle just about anything life throws at me. Praise God!
I pray that by sharing about those who had been a light in my life, that this will also encourage others to be a light in this world, for you never know just how close to the end of their tether another may be, and your love and grace may just be the life line that a person needs to keep on keeping on... to enable them to keep swimming no matter how stormy the sea. I hope and pray also that others would be encouraged to know that is is ok to seek help in dealing with life's problems. There is no shame in that... quite the opposite... it takes great strength and courage to pour out your heart and share your struggles with counsellors. And honestly, there is comfort to know you are not alone to figure it all out for yourself.
I encourage every brother and sister in Christ to be the HELP that guides another to the safety of God's shore. Keep sharing the light of Jesus in this world where darkness seems to be covering more and more of this world every day. May your candles be ever so brightly lit and held high for all to see, so the way to Jesus' love and salvation would be clearly seen and easy to find for all.
Now one last thing I wanted to add...
Being a singer/musician I naturally find that music will often speak to my soul louder than mere words. I mentioned earlier about a song I sang as a child in Church..."Something Beautiful" written by Bill & Gloria Gaither. I had shared that when I first began my journey towards healing 21 years ago, this song popped into my head and I started to cry because I wanted so much for God to make something beautiful of my life, which at that time still so tattered. So I laid it at the cross and prayed for God to make something beautiful of my life.
Several years later, as I looked back on my life, and seeing that God brought me through all those struggles, and had over time made something so much more beautiful of my life, this song again came to my mind. And as I sung it... it really struck me how closely this song mirrored my life's experience.
Verse:
If there ever were dreams that were lofty and noble
They were my dreams at the start
And hopes for life's best were the hopes that I harbored
Down deep in my heart
But my dreams turned to ashes and my castles all crumbled
My fortune turned to loss
So I wrapped it all in the rags of my life, and laid it at the cross
Chorus:
Something beautiful, Something good.
All my confusion... He understood.
All I had to offer Him was brokenness and strife,
but He made something beautiful out of my life.
Yes... I had wrapped up all my hopes and dreams, as well as all the rags and pain in my life and laid it all down at the cross. All the hurt, the brokenness, the confusion, the strife... I gave it all to Jesus... And indeed God did make something beautiful of my life.
Praise and Thanks be to Jesus!
I hope that you will do the same, and let God make something beautiful of your life too.
So I also really want to thank Bill and Gloria Gaither for writing this song. I thank God that He gave you both such a gift and talent and inspiration for the lyrics and melody of this song! You may have been writing from your own experiences and out of gratitude for God making something beautiful of your own lives. But little did you know that God would use the song that you wrote so many years ago to touch the heart of a little 8 year old girl who would later in life need the memory of that song to save her life, and bring her back to the cross so that God could bring healing and restoration, and make something beautiful of her own life. Thank you for being such wonderful servants of God!
Isn't it amazing how God can use people? God can even use people you don't know or have never even met to help you in your time of need. How amazing is God's love that he would go to such lengths for us! God is so Good!
God Bless You ALL!
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